Author Archives: J-Tett1909

Why is counselling good?

I googled ‘why is counselling good’ and got lots of very sensible answers. And then I googled ‘evidence that counselling works’, and again the same. There’s plenty of evidence that counselling works to ease the pain, and lots of good reasons explaining why.

I thought I might share (some of) the reasons I think it’s good:

1. Your counsellor doesn’t want to reassure you:

However much your friends and family love you, often there are feelings you just can’t share with them. You might find that when you try and describe your pain, they want to reassure you so that you feel better. In counselling, you can explore all the really awful things you are thinking and feeling, without your counsellor trying to reassure you or fix you. It’s a place where you can say out loud the worst of what is in your head. And once it’s outside, in the world, you and your counsellor can look at it carefully, and find out more about it. Maybe, under this open examination, it might change and lose its power.

2. Your counsellor isn’t waiting to tell you about their own things:

Most conversations are two way – and so are the conversations with your counsellor. But the difference is that in counselling, it’s all about you. Your counsellor is there to talk with you about you – they might give you a little bit of psycho-education (share their knowledge about mental health), but otherwise, their focus is on you. That might take a little bit of getting used to, and if you’re struggling with being the centre of attention, this might even be something to explore together!

3. Your counsellor accepts you:

Your counsellor has the attitude that whatever you do or have done, has come from a place of trying to do your best. Person-centred counsellors particularly believe that we humans are always trying to live our best life. That doesn’t mean that things always work out for us, particularly as you might have learnt some things in the past that don’t actually work well for you in the long run.

4. Your counsellor is on your side:

If you’ve got a decision to make or a dilemma, talking about it with your counsellor can be a great place to find out what you really want to do, and whether that’s going to be possible. As well as listening to your words, your counsellor’s also going to be noticing changes in your body, face, tone of voice and so on, and letting you know about these changes. This knowledge might give you insight that you wouldn’t otherwise have had.

5. You can tell secrets to your counsellor:

Some secrets are nice ones, but sometimes you might be keeping secrets that you’d rather be rid of. Your counsellor will be able to hear your secrets. Once the secrets are out in the room, maybe something will happen to them, maybe they will lose their power.

6. Your counsellor appreciates all the different parts of you:

Sometimes you might find yourself putting certain parts of yourself front and centre, because you know that these are the bits that your family/society/your friends love the most. With your counsellor, you can be all that you are. It’s a good place to practise letting other parts of you share the limelight. When your counsellor accepts them, maybe it can feel possible that you can accept them too.

7. The relationship with your counsellor is a real relationship:

And there is something about being in relationship with other humans that helps us. You might be paying your counsellor (or you might get counselling through your work or university) but this doesn’t mean that your counsellor doesn’t genuinely care about you. This might remind you (if you need reminding) that you are a person worth caring about.

I hope counselling helps you, and you can build your own list of reasons why counselling is good.

Getting ready for a session

There are different things you might want to do before a counselling session.

During the session it’s important that you feel as comfortable as you can. I wonder what that means for you: do you need a special place, or your favourite drink? Would you like a cushion or a pet on your lap? If you have your session at the same place as you are working from, how can you make your counselling time different to your work time? Could you move your device/chair so you have a different point of view? Can you cover your work stuff so that it doesn’t distract you? If there are other people around, maybe you could put a sign on your door so that you won’t be interrupted.

If you have time, you might find that going for a quick walk before a counselling session can be a good time to set aside the rest of your day, and clear your head. Some people like to do some mindfulness before a session: you might want to set aside a short time to sit quietly, and turn your attention to each part of your body, noticing how it feels, and if there is any tension held anywhere. Feel your feet on the floor, feel any contact your body is making with anything else. How does your body feel right now? If doing this doesn’t feel right to you, don’t worry, it’s just an idea.

Something you could ask yourself is how you would like to use your counselling session. The best thing for you might be to show up, and see what comes with you. Or you might have a particular topic you’d like to explore. Maybe you are coming to counselling with a specific goal in mind, and you want to talk about something connected to that goal. Do you keep a diary or a journal? This might be a good place to look if you aren’t sure what would be helpful. Has something happened that left you with some feelings that surprised you – maybe a situation that your head tells you is simple, but your feelings and emotions don’t agree.

You might need to try different things before your sessions until you hit on the thing that’s right for you – or you might do something different every time! There’s no one ‘right’ way to prepare, but there might be a right way for you – something that supports you in getting the most from your counselling session.

Our First Session

If you haven’t had counselling before, or even if you have, you might be wondering what will happen when we meet for our first session.

Before our first session, we might have had a quick chat on the phone or over Zoom, just to check that we are a good match, or we might have exchanged emails setting up the appointment. You’ll already know something of how I work, and I might know something of what brings you to counselling.

At our first session, there is some information I need to share with you, and some information I need to get from you. I’ll go over confidentiality, some boundaries and anything else you need to know about the counselling relationship. I’ll check with you that you are set up comfortably for our sessions and the times just before and after. Then I’ll ask you about your experience and expectations of counselling, and what you are hoping for. I’ll also want to know what support you have around you, and what you typically reach for to support yourself when times are hard. I’ll also ask if there’s anything else you think I should know.

First sessions are different from other sessions, I might feel like I am interrogating you when I ask you all these questions. In a typical session, what we talk about will be led by you – it’s your time to explore whatever you want. And our first session is still your time, we can start talking about what has brought you to counselling if you would like to. Also, we don’t have to do this. It might feel better for you to wait until a future session to get into it. You’ll know best what is right for you.

It’s not unusual to find unknown situations scary – when we don’t know what’s going to happen, our bodies might worry that we are in danger, and get ready to protect us. If you are interested in starting counselling with me, I hope this information has helped you have a better understanding of what you might be getting into. Remember that you can also ask questions before we meet, and at any time during our work.

Contact me if you’d like to know more, or if you’d like to book a first session:

    Podcasts that might be Helpful

    I’d like to suggest some podcasts that might be helpful to you. I don’t know how you choose to listen to your podcasts, I use Podcast Addict but maybe you use Spotify or iTunes, so the links here are to the actual websites, and you can then get them on your chosen app.

    To help you sleep:

    Tracks to Relax are guided sleep meditations read in one of the most relaxing voices I have ever heard.

    Nothing Much Happens are incredibly dull stories, again read in a super soothing voice. And then repeated, a little bit more slowly.

    To help with grief:

    Griefcast is a series of interviews about grief, perhaps helpful evidence that grief really is different for everyone.

    To help with anxiety:

    Not Another Anxiety Show is about all different kinds of anxiety, some of which might be familiar to you.

    To help with being human:

    Brene Brown’s podcast Unlocking Us is conversations on all kinds of topics that might be interesting or helpful in some way.

    To connect with nature:

    Join Melissa on a daily walk in nature in The Stubborn Light of Things.

    Music and Soundscapes:

    BBC Sounds host some great podcasts that you might find relaxing or distracting. Calming Sounds is advertised for ‘your little one’, but adults are allowed to listen too. And the Mindful Mix includes soundscapes and music to help you sleep or relax.

    Working within Covid-19

    My practice has changed with Covid-19, and since March 2020 I have only been meeting clients online. We are all sharing this pandemic, we all know what lockdown and quarantine mean, and how they feel. It’s another aspect of the human condition we now share.

    But your experience of it is different to mine, and even though we are going through it together, it will feel unique to us all.

    Working within Covid-19: changes

    So much has changed since March 2020. Many of us have found our mental health suffering, and are finding it harder to enjoy our lives as we used to. We might have had more time on our hands, and found ourselves using this time to go over our pasts or our futures. If we’ve had to spend more time on our own, voices from our pasts might have started making themselves heard in our heads. As things change, and we can travel and meet people, we might find this stressful or overwhelming.

    Living within a global pandemic means we may have been forced to confront fears of death, both our own, those close to us, and nameless thousands of others.

    Whatever the pandemic has brought to you, talking about it can help.

    Counselling is a place where you can say the unsayable and show the parts of yourself, both those you are proud of, and the parts you’d rather hide. There is something about having the space to do this that is healing, and can help you make sense of yourself and your life.

    Working within Covid-19: online

    In March 2020, like many of us, I moved my counselling practice online. I was someone who didn’t want to work online, and who thought that online sessions were second best to working face to face. I was nervous about using the technology, and didn’t like being able to see my own face on screen.

    Since then I have embraced online working. I have re-trained and become a professional member of ACTO (Association for Counselling and Therapy Online). Now, working online feels as natural as working face to face.

    More than that, I have seen how working online has benefits for the client. Seeing a counsellor online means that you can be in a place that you choose, somewhere safe and comfortable. The relationship has become more equal: we are both in our own spaces, we are both making the connection. The relationship is just as deep, as nuanced and as helpful – the relationship is in a new place, but it works just the same.

    Practicalities

    Working online, I work in a dedicated room in Edinburgh. I use Zoom, and will send you an email invitation to join our session on the morning of the day we meet. We’ll have a plan in place for what to do if we have connection problems. You will need a safe place for counselling: somewhere you can’t be overheard and won’t be interrupted. The time before and after a session can be important processing time, and you might want to think about what’s going to work best for you here.

    For all sessions, I charge £60 for a 50 minute session. I accept payment by bank transfer. If you work for an Ambulance Service, I offer low cost sessions, at £35 for 50 minutes – for more information, have a look here.

    I am a verified counsellor with BUPA, so if you have health insurance with BUPA, your insurance might cover the cost of counselling with me. You can find me here in BUPA’s Finder directory. Please email me if you’d like more information about this.

    The best way to contact me is by email. I’ll do my best to answer your enquiry as soon as I can – normally within a couple of days. Let me know how you would like me to contact you.

    email: jessica@jessicatettcounselling.co.uk

    or use this form:

      About sessions with me

      Ideally, we’ll meet at the same time and place every week, and sessions will normally last 50 minutes. In our first session we’ll talk a little bit about what your expectations are, and about the issues that bring you to counselling. In this first session, we’ll agree on our boundaries, including, most importantly, the confidentiality of our work. We might also think about how long we might plan to work together. This first session is a way for us to find out if we’ll be able to work together.

      Once we have agreed to work together, we’ll work on what you want to bring, and I will do my best to build a trusting relationship between us where you can bring anything and everything – even your most frightening and uncomfortable things. I think counselling works two ways: firstly when we talk about the thoughts and feelings that have been troubling us, hearing them out loud can make them clearer, and can give us new insights and understandings. 

      Secondly, I believe there is something magical and healing about the counselling relationship. It is a place where you are fully heard and fully accepted. Experiencing this gives us a freedom from judgment, expectations and agendas – a freedom to be our best selves. 

      We’ll be working together online. While you may well have spent more time online in the last year than ever before, you might be wondering what it will be like doing counselling online.  We won’t be in the same physical space, but everything else will be the same. I hope you’ll make yourself comfortable in a place where you won’t be overheard or interrupted. Choose somewhere you don’t associate with work or your ‘normal’ life, and plan some time before and after so you have that transition time you’d have if you were travelling to my office. Don’t forget that you can share your worries or experience of working online with me, you won’t be doing it alone. 

      Contact me if working together is something you’d like to explore:

      email: jessica@jessicatettcounselling.co.uk

      or use this form:

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        About my work

        I am a qualified counsellor and psychotherapist, and I am a BACP (British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy ) Accredited Counsellor/Psychotherapist. This means that I am bound by a code of ethics in my work, and that my clients have access to phone and email guidance from staff at BACP where concerns can be raised and questions answered. Being Accredited means that my practice has met the BACP’s higher standard as a competent, ethical and independent practitioner.

        I am a person-centred counsellor, and this means that I believe my client is the expert in their own journey. I am not here to give advice or instructions. Instead, our relationship will give you the space and place to explore difficult parts of your life, uncomfortable feelings and current problems. I will be there with you, and together we can go to any dark places you feel you need to.

        Because I am working with a person, rather than a diagnosis or a label, I can work with you, whatever you bring. I have worked with clients with depression, anxiety, a history of childhood sexual abuse, a history of growing up in care, a history of childhood abuse, marriage and relationship difficulties including domestic abuse, and trauma. I’m happy to work with clients who bring particular issues they’d like to explore, and with clients who aren’t sure what they want to work on, but who have a feeling that counselling will help improve their life.

        If you’d like to know more about the theoretical background to my work, try here.

        If you’d like to know more about what to expect from our work together, try here.

        I am an Accredited member of BACP (British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy, https://www.bacp.co.uk/) and a professional member of ACTO (Association for Counselling and Therapy Online, https://acto-org.uk/).

         

         

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