Joining an art class for the first time this year, I was looking forward to learning some new techniques. I was also hoping for connections with others and to sharing the enjoyment of drawing and painting. And I did, I got the chance to practise using some different materials, I got some great guidance from the teacher, and at the end of the semester I had a little collection of artwork I had made. Being in the group was also a lovely experience: we were all there with the same purpose in mind, and the teacher created a warm atmosphere where we thoughtfully complimented each others’ work. The feeling I got near the end of each class when we would all bring our pictures together was joy – look at what we have all done, how fabulous we all are!

What I also got was an insight into a whole host of other stuff: vulnerability, perfectionism and comparison for starters. It turned out that an art class was a great place to learn more about myself, as I had the time and space to be able to really notice my feelings.

The things that came up for me are areas that many of us struggle with, and I wonder whether you might have places in your life where you could explore your understanding of yourself – just as I did in my art class.

Vulnerability

I guess that we all know that we are supposed to be vulnerable – if we embrace and share our vulnerability, then our relationships (and everything!), will benefit. If we need reminding of this, check out Brene Brown:

https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_the_power_of_vulnerability?language=en

But actually being vulnerable is hard for most of us, however much we want it. It feels scary to be vulnerable – to let others see ourselves as we are, which might even include to let others see us failing.

At art class, one week I arrived late, and had to sit inside the main circle of easels, where everyone could see what I was doing. I had a couple of hours to fully experience the vulnerability of making mistakes, there was no hiding. Perhaps you can imagine yourself in a similar setting, somewhere safe, where you do feel quite free from judgment: what’s it like? I wonder what your first urge is? Do you try and find a way out? Do you try and hide yourself somehow? And if, or when, you give in to feeling vulnerable, and you accept that others are going to see you, what exactly is vulnerability for you? Maybe after a while, you might notice yourself soften and perhaps it might be ok for others to see what you are actually doing, and to share with them that it feels uncomfortable to do this.

Perfectionism

Perfectionism can be a really painful condition – when everything you do feels like it needs to be perfect, and if it isn’t, it’s not worth anything – and neither are you. It comes with an awful lot of pressure – to get things not just right, but perfect. Starting something new can feel impossible, because what if you get it wrong? What if you can’t do it perfectly?

One way to break out of perfectionism is to practice not achieving perfection, while giving ourselves absolutely loads of self compassion. If we can reassure ourselves that we are still worthy, regardless of the quality of our output, maybe we can let go of the anxiety around what we produce, and enjoy the process instead.

At art class, each week I had to tolerate the fact that no matter how hard I worked, my picture was not really going to look like the thing I was drawing or painting. My picture might have other qualities, but it was always going to be a long way from perfect. Could you imagine yourself spending time doing something you enjoy, but you aren’t very good at (yet)? How would it feel? What would you need to say to yourself to allow yourself to relax? What kind words would you need inside to help you stay in the moment of enjoyment?

Comparison

Comparing ourselves with others rarely feels good. Are we judging them, or ourselves? Are we comparing to make ourselves feel better or worse? Why does our ranking amongst others mean more than our own ranking of ourselves?

At art class, each week, when we brought our pictures together, the first thing I noticed myself checking for was whether mine was the worst. I wanted to make myself feel better by finding someone ‘worse’ than me – even though I couldn’t tell you what that meant. Have you been in a situation like this, and have you been able to reassure yourself? What kind words do you need to say to yourself in order to feel proud of your output, regardless of what anyone else has produced?

Next steps

Sometimes we become aware that these themes are really impacting our lives. If we daren’t be vulnerable, we risk not being able to connect with others or ask for help. If everything we do has to be perfect, we are setting ourselves up for anxiety and failure. If we are always looking at others to see how we are doing, we might not have our own self confidence.

Understanding the impact of these themes on us is a great starting point, and from there we might work on what we would rather do instead. We might also feel that we need to understand the root of these feelings in ourselves – why is it so risky to show our real selves? who told us we are only worthy if we are perfect? how come we don’t have our own confidence in ourselves?

Starting working with a counsellor means that you can explore both the causes and the effects, and also practice a way out. A counsellor will be able to help you talk about these feelings and together you can work out what’s going on, and with understanding often comes change.